By ABEL CANE
I’ve never thought of myself as having too much time on my hands. Life’s too short to be bored and fishing’s good even when it ain’t.
This year’s elections, though, offer a special chance to be an armchair quarterback (no matter which side of the circus you’re on).
A couple of years back, I designed a family flag. Not a coat of arms, but a flag to fly outside the house and at family reunions. Once relatives saw it, they wanted one of their own.
Earlier this year, Apple brought their pirate flag out of mothballs and hoisted it over headquarters… which got me to thinking, “Why don’t the presidential candidates create a flag for their campaigns?”
Now that we’re well into the hogwash, I coupled that thought with “What ever happened to spin artists who knew about positioning?”
Seems to me, both parties are dropping the ball on getting sufficient wool over the eyes of voters.
So… I went back to the tool I used for our family flag and turned out a few ideas to help the PR folks get up to speed.
I hope you like them.
Ladies first… how about that Hillary?
Clinton’s critics say she’s not just crooked, she’s downright fiendish. The opposition has her selling us down the river abroad and cackling all the way to the bank.
My suggested Clinton campaign flag above couples the general consensus that one needs hip boots to listen to her spiel along with the huge need for a ton of spin saying that she truly does believe in America.
C’mon Clinton spin masters. Get it straight!
Can Trump really trump this election?
His outspoken criticism of just about everyone and everything endears him to our desire to break with the crony system and give Uncle Sam his balls back.
But his outspoken criticism also tends to get him in trouble. Some even say Trump is downright mean! Lord knows we can’t have anybody standing up for America without a smile and a huge roll of bills to pass out.
Trump’s spin-doctors need to portray him as kind and compassionate… a guy who’s really just a big softy at heart.
Here you go, then… hugs, kisses and he brakes for animals.
That oughta do it.
Enter the Peace Chicken
One more parting shot before I go on to discussing religion.
I was in the military during the hey-day of love-ins, peace marches and war protesting. I wasn’t a redneck, really, but I wasn’t a hippy either. I was just a kid trying to do what he thought every blessed American ought to do… stand up for his country.
I had no idea what a maelstrom of hate and misunderstanding that concept had come to symbolize for many citizens. But I soon found out. Go figure.
After watching marchers circle our military base chanting things like “Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Minh. We’re alright, we ain’t wrong, we support the Viet Cong!” for awhile, I found what I thought at the time was the perfect sticker. It was a peace symbol overlaid with the words, “Footprint of the Great American Chicken.”
Seems to me that those hippies (and their kids) now occupy many of the highest political seats in the land. Our president took it upon himself to apologize to the world for our success and wealth. Bernie Sanders wants to give driver licenses to everyone — citizens or non-citizen. He and Clinton would remove the borders and call for an international party. And Trump is pandering to the same crowd.
I wish it could be so. I wish we could all live in peace and mutual respect.
But there’s a reason why the politicians and rich people of all sorts have security procedures in place for their homes and locks on the doors.
Not everyone is generous and full of goodwill.
Some are downright nasty.
And some days it’s tough to tell the difference.
It’s an interesting time to be alive, folks. Hold on to your hats. It may be a wild ride.
(PS – Thank you to The Flagmakers for their make-your-own-flag-online tool. Love it.)
Abel Cane is a guest contributor for The Buzz Insider. Sometimes he goes a little further than a smart journalist should. This may be one of those times. Abel’s parting words: God bless America.
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Featured Image retrieved from Flickr.